Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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