"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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