Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
