i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
