soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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