tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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