Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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