the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize