my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
