So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
