Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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