i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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