I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
