Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
