I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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