dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize