If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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