Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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