I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My vagina just recognized that song.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
