My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
