yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
