drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
