your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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