I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
