People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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