she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
