And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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