Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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