I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
