Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
