take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
