My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
