I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize