i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
