the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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