my vag is so smooth its legendary
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
