i think my tv is drunk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
