wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
