So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
