He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
