Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
