HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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