He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
