Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
