Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
