so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
