The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
home. puking in laundry basket.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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