apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
