and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
