I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
