Betty ford says i'm here all night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
