Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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