just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
