I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
