I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
