I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize