The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
