I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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