There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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