i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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