Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
