I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize