I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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