Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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