this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
