Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
