I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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