so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize