happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
