I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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