We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
