i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize