my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
