So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize