but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
