weddingsv make me drug and hornr
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
