I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
