I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
