textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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