Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
