I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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