nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
