the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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